Wholehearted Living

I can't remember who it was - but a few years ago someone sent me a spam email about learning to never say "yes" unless you could say it wholeheartedly.

Whoever that was, thank you. I have been thinking of the logic of that for a few days now and I just can't agree enough on it.

The context was how easy it is for our lives to fill up with responsibilities that we have taken on more or less reluctantly. When someone asks us to do something, it is often difficult to say "no". So we end up saying "yes" against our better judgement. And one of the reasons why it is so easy to say "yes" is because we often don't have a clear and easy way to tell what our better judgement is. The other party will often come up with highly persuasive reasons which make us feel that we will be uncaring or ungrateful or illogical or mean or reckless or whatever if we don't agree with them. And since we don't want them to feel any one these things we say "yes" reluctantly  - and regret it later.

By having a clear rule that we only say "yes" when we say it wholeheartedly we can cut through all the guilt and manipulation and find the only thing that really matters - our own knowledge of what is right for us.

I haven't use this method a lot but I have started and found it invaluable. So for an example the other day, a friend rang me up and asked me if I wanted to join a rally that met every month. I really didn't want to but had the feeling that I ought to do it and that I'd be letting my friend down if I didn't. As I wavered on the brink of accepting (and regretting it) I suddenly found myself saying "Sorry but no. If I would have committed to you today I would only be lying to you as honestly I don't feel comfortable with this." To my surprise, my frien though obviously disappointed, accepted my reason.

Now when faced with any decision, I always ask myself "Could I do this wholeheartedly?" And if the answer is "no", I don't do it.

So the question acts as a very good way of filtering our busy work, displacement activites and general wheel-spinning. And it greatly increases the commitment that I bring to my real work actions and the enjoyment that I get from my leisure and personal activities. 

So what could I do wholeheartedly right now? Ah yes, kiss my gorgeous husband good night and then go to bed!